What is Hepburn? Just a regular person? A fashion icon? A survivor of Nazi occupation? A philanthropist?
Probably all three. Hepburn is one of a kind. A Hollywood starlet who refused all but British citizenship. She’s both flat-out-broke Holly Golightly and royal Princess Anne (though she’s not the British actress of that generation who did become a Princess, that being Grace Kelly). She’s also creepily revived in a Galaxy chocolate advert that was probably my first encounter with Hepburn.
My second encounter was, of course, Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I wanted to see it due to my love of the song Moon River. It’s probably the best thing I can play on guitar, as I went out of my way to learn the tab. When I was a kid, I had an old MP3 Player, and the first time I read Tom Sawyer - the part of the book when he struts through ol’ St. Petersburg after running out of the house due to his brother tattling on him going swimming, Moon River fell in maybe one of the most lucky “shuffles” I’ve ever had. It made me ENCHANTED with the song. The film is horribly problematic, making George straight and the whole landlord of it all, but Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s is instantly charming, yelling “timber” as her socialite friends drink themselves to a black out. She’s able to, more than switch between charming and tragic, but be charming and tragic all at once.
The third encounter was Roman Holiday. Roman Holiday FUCKS. It’s not stuffy at all - it’s got more in common with Totally Fucked Up from the ‘90’s than its contemporaries. Yeah, there’s a plot, but most of it is a hang out movie. And - I LOVE a hangout movie. After that, there was no going back, in regards to Hepburn.
The only reason this is notable is due to Hepburn’s small role as an airplane attendant. She’s in it for maybe three minutes. She does good with what she’s given, shows off her bright infectious smile and outshines everyone else.
If you’ve come to the end of Hepburn’s filmography, and need one more hit, though - this ain’t it. Swear to God. I think she did a TV show where she narrated over a bunch of gardens? Watch that instead.
Now, on one hand, I feel a bit bad for the people behind this film. Imagine dedicating your blood, sweat and tears to making a film, just for it to end up as the answer of a trivia question based on an actress who had a bit role. But on the other hand - the film kinda fucking sucks. I watched it on YouTube with their generated English subtitles, so maybe THAT’S why I didn’t dig it fully, but… Nah, it’s just a boring thing. It’s like if Borat wasn’t SBC, but like… Kid Rock. It tries to have its cake and eat it too by being extremely patriotic towards the Netherlands, but still making fun of it. It has that “oh, our wee island” feeling that you’d get in the Nativity movies (the second with David Tennant’s okay), but honestly, it’s not worth your time. If you felt this review of it was a bit of a snooze-fest, brother (or sister or non-binary cuz) - I hate to be the guy to inform you about this, but this is TEN TIMES better than that Dutch propaganda! Keep to making Legos (that’s Denmark, actually), or whatever it is the Dutch do.